pale beneath the blue

Road stories and more from singer/songwriter, pale beneath the blue.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Superman Returns and Nacho Libre, one man's view

So, if you've ever been to see Pale Beneath the Blue live, you may have noticed or met one of our adoring fans. He writes poetry, he screams at computers, and apparently writes movie reviews with his own special flair. Let me introduce to you...Ray Bigelow:

Bryan Singer Is A Thieving Scalawag!
A Movie Review by Biggles of Antartica

I was recently in our nation's capital (unless yer a scurvy furriner)explaining in a resonating voice to my nieces The New York Times choice of Benedict Arnold for spokesman while waiting for the theatrical release we had paid for to get interesting. Sadly, themovie never quite took off, but at least some young children now understand the classical definitions of "treason" and "quisling weasels".

A light Summer it's been for Hollywood sequels, unless you count ScaryMovie 4, Mission Impossible 3, X-Men 3, Pirates of the Carribean 2, and Superman Returns. Superman Returns is actually Superman 5, but since 3 and 4 have beendeclared more non-canonical than the overhyped DaVinci Code snorefest,it's been regulated down to Superman 3. And did anyone but me cheer wildly when they recognized Stan "The Man" Lee in Princess Diaries 2?

The most original plot of the season centers around a hero of the classical mode who wears blue tights and a red cape; has black hair, asuper physique, fighting prowess, a secret identity, a hidden crush ona pretty girl, dead alien parents; acquires a relentless, hairlessnemesis; takes a severe beating before his last battle; saveschildren; and has a kick-ass musical soundtrack.

Yes, I'm talking about Jack Black's Nacho Libre!

Or am I? A touching story of a down-trodden orphan raised in a monastery to devote his life to feeding other orphaned children and tending to the spiritual needs of impoverished Central Americans, who dreams of providing better food for his loved ones, dares to rise above poverty, shares a life of chaste affection, promotes celibacy,and overcomes the temptation of both passive mediocrity and financial lucre - and what is done to this story? It's warped into a Nietzschean fantasy where a dead-beat dad impregnates a bad spelling,liberal reporter who hops from bed to bed so quickly she can't tellher child's father from a farm boy to a pond pilot (who incidentallygot incinerated by his paramour in his previous movie); and where "thehero" abandons them without a word for five years, only to return andspy on the cohabitors's with x-ray vision like a Pagliachic peeping tom.

One character (played by the great Frank Langella from Dracula 1979 and Sphinx) asks does this Superman still stand for truth, justice -all that stuff? This reviewer says "No!" And certainly not "the American Way". He didn't even had to ask! Superman Returns was NOT asequel to the prior generation's Superman movies; it was a blatant and inferior rip-off of Nacho Libre!

In my opinion, Superman wasn't the only person shivved in the back in the theatre this Summer.

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