pale beneath the blue

Road stories and more from singer/songwriter, pale beneath the blue.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Ch-ch-ch-Changes

Maybe it's the change of season or another year passing, but lately things seem to be changing. It's like I wake up in the morning and I have no idea whose life I have usurped, but it's not mine. There are seasons for things--I know I've always liked to spend time taking in or reading, then writing, then performing, then really practicing and honing my craft. Maybe this is just a time to relax and enjoy those around me before the record comes out. I definately feel like an alien in my own life right now--I haven't relaxed in a while. And when I was relaxing it was only because of the painkiller cocktail that was prescribed to me. I didn't even enjoy it so I guess it wasn't true relaxation. Wow, that means I haven't actually let go in, I don't know...geesh, maybe 6-7 years ago on that quick trip to Canada. A camping trip in Ontario in the middle of an Ohio heatwave. It was fabulously spontaneous though I think I still longed to get as many fun things in as possible. And after 3 days I had to face my real life again.

I know there have been spurts and fits of enjoyment--2nd row seats at Barenaked Ladies back in '99, hanging with my sound engineer friend Jeff at Aerosmith in '87, writing a new song and for just a moment, wallowing in it, knee boarding, surfing, scuba diving at Devil's Den '05, at times in New York this spring.

When I look back, I can see why I could never relax or be content with anything, but now, now I'm just a complete workaholic overacheiver. It's an illness. I'm sure that someone in a lab coat is working on a cure as we speak. But I don't believe in medicating, so I guess I shall spend some more time journaling, playing with the dog and enjoying this sinfully delicious Choxie Mint Cookie Crunch bar. Maybe this is what David Bowie was singing about back in the 70s. He seems to have survived...

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